Letting Go of Doubts and Regrets That I Have as a Mother

But first, there's just a little update to my Little Giveaway post . . . down at the bottom . . .
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All this week, since it is the one leading up to Mother's Day, as I was trying to reflect on the wonderfulness of being a mom, all I could feel and think about were my regrets and things I wish I had done differently.

I remember as a child, how I used to daydream about the boy I would marry, and the kids we'd have. I'd plan how many boys and girls we'd have, and what order they'd be born in. It'd usually correspond to the sibling lineup of the current crush that I had at the time, and my friends and I would giggle and dream up lists of first and middle names for all of our babies.

It's funny how those expectations end up so far from reality. Yes, I married a good man and we have a wonderful family; that I cannot deny. But the mistakes I did make will always make me wonder. . .

Like how as a kid, I would always have my head buried in a book, and when it wasn't, I'd always be daydreaming about the story, or anything else. Never really living in the moment and paying complete and total attention to what was going on around me. I still struggle with that habit, to this day.

I wonder if I'd been more aware, that I'd have realized sooner the importance of an advanced education. I wish with all my heart that I'd done more in this area.

I wonder if I'd been more committed to my education, that when I met my husband at the end of my senior year of high school, if I would have been more insistent about his going on a mission.

His real fear was that I wouldn't wait for him, and to this day, he will insist that he wasn't meant to go on a mission. Even though he had a great testimony of the Gospel, his circumstances growing up so independently and with a strong will and desire to follow the commandments, made him feel that a mission wasn't meant to be for him.

I see it now as a way for him not to put the blame on me, and I respect him for that. But, who and how many others missed out on his goodness by my not standing my ground and telling him that I wouldn't marry him unless he served.

I know now that was what I should have done.

And I wonder if I'd had that education, if I'd be a better mother today. I don't have to wonder long, because I know what the answer to that is. My education would have focused on early childhood development, and since I was all enrolled to go to Ricks College (yes, I am that old!) the LDS school certainly gears those courses to learning how to teach children in the spiritual and moral framework that I believe in. There are so many things that I struggle with today that I know could have been so much different had I had the knowledge and the training.
Now that I have laid open my weaknesses for all to examine, I can only hope that others will be able to learn from my mistakes. Moms, please tell your daughters that, yes, there are real women out there who's lives turned out pretty good, but still wish they had furthered their education. Real wives and mothers who know they should have guided a young man to serve a mission, which would have done a lot to make them better prepared to be husbands and fathers.

I just hope my own children, my own daughters, and my sons, will want and achieve more more than I did, for themselves.

And now that I have purged myself of these thoughts, and doubts, I intend to focus on the Wonderfulness that being a Mother IS!

(But I hope it's not one of those intentions that pave the path to, well, you-know-where . . . :~D )

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Here is a picture of the finished apron that you can win in my little Giveaway. I hope you'll forgive the terrible shot, but a photographer I am not.

If you'd like to enter to win this cute little number, please scroll down to the next post, and for sure at least read the last half so you'll know how to enter the drawing.

Thanks! Have a good day! Hope you win!

The (borrowed) Post that Keeps on Giving! (A.K.A. My 100th Post GIVEAWAY)

For my 100th post celebration, recognition, achievement; whatever you wanna call it, I thought and thought about what I wanted to do.




Susette suggested doing a "100 things about me" list – a fun idea, but since I had already done one like this and this and that, I just kept thinking . . .

Another idea was to do a recap of some of my most, ummmm, interesting (?) posts, but you can go and read any of them, anytime. Not so interesting, fun, or exciting, I don't think.

(Just some stuff about the

first day of school pics (not), crazy redneck outhouses, our new presidency, my missionary son, what a Christmas tree Nazi I am , speeding tickets, and an April Fool's Day joke.)

I think probably once is enough! Then I remembered a post a good blogger buddy of mine (thanks Erin!) did a couple of months ago. She was going to be out of town, and away from this little "world" we have going on here, and didn't want to be forgotten! So she 'borrowed' the idea from several others that were doing it at the time, and I thought it was a lot of fun. (Plus, it might get some Blog Lurkers, AND friends & family – you know who you are – to not be so bashful and leave a comment!) AND - it's a great way to get to know EveryONE better! So, this is how it works - I will ask a question . . . The very first commenter answers my question, and then figures out another question to ask the next commenter. Then the NEXT commenter answers that question, and chooses another question for the next commenter. And so on, and so on. It's pretty fun to do, and to read! AND . . . here's the best part - every comment (with a questions answered and asked) will enter you in a random drawing to Win ! a cute cute cute little apron that I will be making in the next few days. I have made these for presents lately, and one for myself, and almost everyone has said they loved them! This is the fabric. I thought it was cute for the coming summer . . . (yay, summer! Can't wait!) So I hope you like it, too - enough to leave a comment! So – Here's my question – "If you could LIVE anywhere in the world, where would that BE? And Why? Thanks for playin'!

Oh - and I should give you a date that I will be doing the drawing -
it will be Monday, May 11! At, let's say, Seven pm!
So leave a comment now, ya hear!

- an itsy - bitsy teeny - weeny mini - micro - makeover . . . OH! And a BIG P.S.! (Hint - a GIVEAWAY?)

Saturday I painted the dining room! Or, you could say I re-painted it, since I have painted it many many times before.

Before shot -

My little helper
After -




And even though these pictures are not AT ALL dramatic,

those who know how a room FEELS when it has fresh paint,

well, a picture can't capture That.

All clean and cozy and fresh.

Just close you eyes and imagine. . .

OH! And A BIG P.S -
The next Post is my 100th!
Should I make it a big deal, or just let it slide?
I'm thinking a giveaway or a contest of some sort . . .
what d'ya say, girls?
I need some help here!

so . . . OK, so if I do a giveaway, should it be:

~an apron? (i'm really into them these days, cuz I found a super cute pattern and really cute fabrics)

~some jewelry? (does anyone have any suggestions? I see a lot of cute stuff on the jewelry blogs)or -

~a favorite CD of your choice?

Or if you have any other suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

Isaac's First Track Meet!

Thanks to the efforts of some really great friends and coaches, three of our local elementary schools participated in the First Annual Cross Country Invitational.

Isaac was a great sport, and did well even though he's a beginner. . .

the kindergarteners ran 1/4 mile,

1st & 2nd ran 1/2 mile,

3rd & 4th (Isaac's group - he's a 3rd grader) did 3/4 of a mile, and

5th & 6th did one mile! Good job to all the participants!

***Athol Elementary, Isaac's school, took First Place!***

Yeah Athol!

(now maybe we'll no longer be the butt of all jokes - haha!)

Til next year, see ya then!

I Have the Cutest Little 5-Year-Old in the Whole Wide World

Lately, Tanner has been saying and doing lots of adorable stuff. I know it's part of the plan, the one that's supposed to make me forget how he terrorized the family and home when he was 2 and 3 years old.


But that's a subject for another post, another day.

Today he said to me "Mom, I think it would be great if I had a couple more moms".

As you can imagine, this kinda stunned me, and I said "why would you want more than one mom?"

This cutie pie said "so they could do all your work. And then you could just play with me!"

So the rest of the conversation consisted of all the fun things we could do together this summer.

Moments like this make the crappy parts of being a mom all worthwhile!!!

General Conference with Family, Friends, and Great Food!

A few weeks ago, we had a potluck lunch at our home on Conference Sunday. It's always such an enjoyable day, with family and friends over to enjoy the wonderful words of our prophet and leaders.

So at mealtime, which we always have in-between the morning and afternoon sessions, we all gather at my 10' dining room table, which is filled with the favorite dish or two from each of the families that join us. Our family's favorite for the GC potluck, or for any Sunday dinner, for that matter, is Chili and Cornbread.

I thought that I would share the recipe for the cornbread today.

(And another day I will post the recipe for the Chili)
(Doing both is just too much work for me today)
(I wanted to post a picture of cornbread, but none that I could find looked as yummy as this is! It is fluffy and moist and sweet!)

I call this recipe Sampson-Style Cornbread, in honor of the missionary who shared his family recipe with ours. It's super quick and easy, and so so yummy!

2 eggs

1 cup sugar
1 cup milk

5/8 cup margarine, melted

2 cups Bisquick

4 heaping TBS corn meal

1/2 tsp baking soda

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream together wet ingredients; mix dry ingredients together in a separate bowl; fold in dry ingredients until just blended. Spray cooking spray in a 9 x 13 baking dish, pour in batter, and cook for 22-28 minutes. Done when a knife inserted in the middle is only slight gooey. Do not overcook!

Hope you love it like we do!

A Fun MS Fun Run; and a Letter (or two) from the Missionary in My Life!

Last Friday afternoon my friend Missy called and ask if I wanted to do the MS Fun Run with her - the next day! With such a great cause, raising money for MS research, how could I say no?

But it was with great fear in my heart that I said yes, because, even though I have been running (well, for me it's a really slow jog) for over 15 years, I have never run in 'public' like this, nor have I ever run with a partner.


Nope, just me all by my lonesome.


(So, with these fears in my brain, about being able to keep up or being embarrassed by how I look when I run, that I took the before-posted personality test. I think that's why I scored so low in the 'Openness to Experience' category)


So here's my beautiful friend Missy, and me as we started the race. (I know, I look like I just rolled out of bed. Because I did!)
The crowd that we had to navigate around before we could run!

We finished the 5 mile run in a pretty decent time, for me. So I was happy about that, and it was a good experience! The route we took was through beautiful neighborhoods with old, refurbished homes, along the waterfront of Lake Coeur d'Alene and the mansions there, and through the park that wraps around North Idaho College. It was a gorgeous run and a perfect day. I think I could do that route at least once a week.

Yep.

I'm addicted.

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Here are a couple of my son's latest weekly letters home. For those of you who have been living under a rock, or maybe you're just a new reader of this little ole' blog here, my son Chad is on a two-year mission for our Church. He is a long, long, way away, down in the Rancagua, Chile area.

April 20

Hey family-
I just got changed out of El Sembrador! Out of the ghetto! Now I am in a rich area called Maestransa, which I think is going to be fun. To be honest, I'm glad that I got switched. I had done a lot of work in the last area and was ready for a change, and I will miss a lot of people there, but it is a relief to leave. That’s partly because my greenie was impossibly disobedient to the rules of the mission, slept until 9 (we get up at 7) didn’t study much, didn’t want to do companion studies either, got ready to leave the house at 5 when we are supposed to leave at 3 after lunch. He wasted a lot of our time. But I have a good feeling that his next companion can change that. Kind of a relief to finally have a companion that can help me run the sector because I have spent the last 4 months working, doing all the teaching alone. Now I get a little break. But I definitely want to leave this area better than the way I found it.
My new companion’s name is Elder Hall. He has 6 months in the mission, and still has trouble speaking Spanish, has a bit of a stutter, but a lot of missionaries actually have problems with the language the whole mission. To be honest there are still a lot of things I'm still not comfortable with, and I work on the language every day. It is probably because in Spanish there are about 42 huge word changes for just the word "have" with like 50 more sub-changes relating to sentence form determined by which "have" you use. It is like doing high level math in your head at 100 words a minute. But I like my new comp a lot. Just a good humble guy. I think we are going to work great together. Also it’s cool to see that you finally sold the house! It looks nice now! I actually kind of want to live in it.

Love,
Elder Carey

April 27

Buenos dias tontos (jk!) (can someone translate this for me?)
This week has been great. I’m liking the new area a lot. People are a lot more relaxed and treat us like human beings here, and it is great to find out the Chilean culture isn’t exactly the same as the ghetto culture. I was actually wondering if it was going to be worse, because all the people in la Pintana always say that the richer people are jerks. And I figured coming from some of the people it had to be pretty bad. But the truth is the people here are nicer, the members are more united and work harder, parents teach their children to do things, and the people complain less. So I am a very happy to be here.

On the down side, the area has been pretty hard to find people to teach but the people we do have are great! We should be having a baptism very soon, too. And we are setting goal to better the area and we have had progress so far! Normally they find maybe 1 person per week. We had 0 investigators when I got here, but we found 7 last week, and have a guy that is getting baptized as soon as possible. So things are going to get better.

My companion is cool; he is a ton of fun and diligent. He gets up 30 min early every day to study the language.
Apart from that, not to much to report this week. I’ll write more next week.

Chad

(PS I am getting a DVD ready with all my pictures from the mission, should be on the way next week)

So - I am hoping that next week I will have a fun pictorial of his mission, from January through April. Yep, it's been 4 months since I have gotten a picture from him. I think it has more to do with the area he was in than anything else.

My Personality Results Are In!

The other day I posted about a little test (only 340 questions - ha! But they're quick to answer because they require no deep thinking) that could determine what type of blogger personality I have. Well, based on the questions, I don't really know how it applies to being a blogger, but the results were interesting .

To me, at least.
But you may have to stifle a yawn as you read along. . .


The questionnaire that I filled out measured my scores on five different personality dimensions collectively known as the "Big Five".

Below are my scores on each dimension based on the answers I provided, along with some interpretation. Find out more information about these personality dimensions by going to Wikipedia.

Neuroticism
Neuroticism (sometimes also called Emotional Instability) is the tendency to experience negative emotions such as sadness or anxiety. People who score high on neuroticism are vulnerable to stress and tend to experience negative feelings more often. People who score low in neuroticism tend to be less susceptible to stress, and experience negative feelings relatively infrequently.

I scored 27 out of 50. This score is higher than 55.4% of people who have taken this test.

( I think I scored pretty average or normal here. I think that's a good thing, especially in this case.)

Or maybe it means I am neurotic only half the time.

Or only half crazy -

You take your pick

Extroversion
Extroversion is the tendency to experience positive emotions and seek out stimulating situations. People who score high on extroversion tend to be active, energetic, and enjoy being around other people. In contrast, people who score low on extroversion, known as introverts, tend to be quiet, low-key, and are typically less involved in the social world.

I scored 18 out of 50. This score is higher than 5.6% of people who have taken this test.

(Well, this is no surprise. I know that I am mainly an introvert. In so many ways.)

Openness to experience
Openness to experience is a general tendency to appreciate emotion, adventure, and unusual ideas or experiences. People who are open to experience are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. People with low scores on openness tend to have more conventional, traditional interests.

(I scored 24 out of 50. This score is higher than 2.1% of people who have taken this test.

(I do like to experience adventure - but for sure I am also very conventional, very traditional. Does this translate to very boring like I think it does?)

Conscientiousness
Conscientiousness is the tendency to show self-discipline and persistence. People who score high on conscientiousness tend to be persistent, responsible, and duty-driven, but are sometimes perceived as being overly perfectionist and concerned with order. Individuals low on conscientiousness tend to show less persistence and may have trouble seeing things through.

I scored 38 out of 50. This score is higher than 70.4% of people who have taken this test.

(Seems that I am a conscientious person. That's very true, especially when I comes to punctuation. I try to do my best)

Agreeableness
Agreeableness is the tendency to be sympathetic and cooperative towards others. People who score high on agreeableness strive for social harmony and value getting along with others. Disagreeable people tend to be more suspicious and hostile towards others.

I scored 42 out of 50. This score is higher than 79.7% of people who have taken this test.

(So I scored as an agreeable person! That's nice to hear. . . wonder if my husband would agree)

OK, so I don't need to be the only one to take the test.

Go to this link, take the test, and post YOUR results on your blog.

Go on,

I dare ya.

Be adventurous!

It's Spring in North Idaho! Yeah!

Like I said, it's Spring in north Idaho.

Beautiful Spring flowers amidst the surprise snowfall

Hard to believe the high temperatures were in the upper 70's a couple of days ago!

I Received an Invitation to Participate in a Research Study on Blogging and Personality - Did You?

I received this letter in an email this morning. It intrigues me, and if I can determine that it is legitimate, I think it might be interesting to participate.

(An assessment of my personality may be helpful for me to understand why I do the things I do and react to situations the way I do!)

(I have omitted the names of the university and the researchers to protect the innocent. Just because I thought I should. Whatever)

Hi-

This is an invitation to participate in an online research study being conducted by Mr. *** ******** under the supervision of Dr. ******** ***** at ************ University in *********.

The study investigates the relation between people's personality and the content and style of their writing, and has been approved by the ********** University Human Research Protection Office. The study consists of a single personality questionnaire assessing your personality and background, as well as information about your blog (if you have one). You can choose to participate in either a short or a long version of the study, so your participation can take as little as 10 minutes or as long as 30-40 minutes.

Your participation is entirely voluntary, and you may withdraw from the study at any point after you begin. We will not ask you to reveal any information that could potentially be used to identify you, with the optional exception of the address of your blog if you maintain one. While there are no material benefits to participation, you do have the option of receiving information about your personality scores at the end of the experiment.

This is a one-time solicitation, and you will NOT receive any further e-mail from us. We obtained your e-mail address from your blog strictly for one-time use, and we will not maintain any further record of your contact information.If you'd like to participate, our study can be accessed at:

http://****************.

If you have any questions about the study, please don't hesitate to e-mail ************at *********@*****.edu, and you'll receive a prompt reply.

If you're not interested in participating, just ignore this e-mail and you won't hear from us again.We thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

***** ********

What do you think? Did you receive this letter? Would YOU be interested to know why you blog about the things you do?