Wednesday, February 24, 2010

These Stories Make ME Feel Smart!

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'


The next day someone stole it!

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I stopped at Mc Dona ld's and ordered some fries.
The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"
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*One day I was walking down the beach with
some friends when someone shouted....
"Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where?"

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.


She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"


My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime. She shook her head and said,
"Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......"

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.


She drove down in a convertible, but said she "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car trunk.


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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.


My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!"


I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned....

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and.went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.


The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me,
"Has your plane arrived yet?"...


(I work with professionals like this.)
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While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

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And last, but not least:

Dumb as a box of Rocks
A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS,

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier,"  he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, "Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.."

TRUE STORY: (or so it said in the email...)

10 comments:

Merri Ann said...

Ok ... I'm officially a new follower. I just read this post and a few others ... great stuff. And, frankly, anyone who has some funny stuff on Nancy is good in my book. I lived in California and witnessed first hand the wacky stuff she has said over the years (she was a state legislator for years) ... I am still shocked she is in the position she is ... the woman is not very bright.

And, I love your background ... did you change it for St. Patricks Day or is it your usual ?


Great posts ... I'll be back often

Shorty said...

This was hilarious!!!! Thanks for sharing.

Debbie said...

Another great post! I loved them all, but my favorite was the one about the dead bird. That was so funny! I love Merri Ann's comment about your background...:)

Emma said...

lol I loved it.. so true!!!!!

Melissa said...

Sooo funny! I'll never tell which one of these made me think for a minute.....

M-Cat said...

Hysterical! Thanks for the laugh today! : )

xoxox

The Thomas Family said...

Too funny!
You're such a witty blogger. I want your blogging skills. Seriously....you've got some mean blogging skills. :)

Lara said...

Hilarious! Especially that last one....I hope it really is true.

JoeyRes said...

My dad got rid of a lot of junk by placing it near the road. He often staged it to look like he'd been using it and the thieves played garbage man. The $50 sign is a great idea. Such a value they got!

Amber M. said...

Oh ma gosh. Thanks for making my entire day!!